When loose ends remain loose, they tangle and often a darkness settles in. We all have a murky spot into which we sometimes descend.
It is a spot from which I look about not for light, but for direction, for answers. It is not a place of depression or despondency for me, but rather a place that allows for deeper thought, profound, if not almost unfathomable self-examination, self-inquiry.
There are few, if any answers to be found there: Questions beg questions that beg even more questions. It's not happiness or joy I seek, or even meaning, just a sense of inquiry. As Camus wrote, “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”
I've never believed that life itself had much meaning; or if it does, it's impossible to discern. Who, after all, can attach meaning to the mad dance of electrons we are.
There's nothing disturbing to me in these long thoughts. They do prompt me to continuing pondering it all for more time than I would like.
However, a simple daffodil brings me back and makes me smile.