I believe I am on the border, the very edge of simply abhorring my wife. And now my apologies for becoming obsessive about this, however, perhaps this is my therapy, my outlet. It's her day off today.
How does she spend it? Well so far, house cleaning, something she knows I generally do on Saturday or Sunday, as I've said before. However, it's never good enough, but if you came in this house, I think you'd find it more than just acceptable in its appearance.
She has to go to the doctor in order to have a prescription refilled, but the physician has but two appointments open, at 10 and 3. The first isn't possible as I'm taking her phone in. The second isn't possible, she said, "Because I have a nail appointment." I suggested to her that perhaps that could wait. Then she said she's "miserable…depressed all the time…," same old, same old. She just cancelled her nail appointment in favor of the doctor, though very grudgingly. Who the hell notices nails, anyway? And, of course, she hates her job and I've been trying to find her a new one; managing a boutique or as a receptionist. Her response to that, "I don't want to stand on my feet all day…I have no office skills." Well, hell, she managed a major boutique in Beverly Hills and loved it; and she does have enough "office skills" to be a receptionist. God forbid she should have nothing to complain about.
In fairness to her, her new business, which she has to operate part-time because of her full time job, is taking off. And I believe in a few months, maybe less than a couple, she would be able to quit her job and pursue it full time…were it not for her partner, who has done little but pay a couple of hundred bucks to file LLC papers. I've spent nearly twice that much on other issues. Literally, the partner's done nothing and according to my wife, can't because she has to keep her job, can't be seen by anyone at her employer's for fear of being fired, etc. Well, I said, if she's not doing anything, then I don't think you should be splitting the income at all, let alone 50-50. And that's just one, abeit a major one, of the issues.
Readers of this blog have read this before. I told her she could do something about the "depression," and that it was, in many respects, a matter of attitude change. Sure, she's worried about the "future," but who isn't these days. I suggested she see her shrink about it, but she quoted the "shrink" as saying it's my fault, as I haven't pursued a legal issue in New York in which I lost valuable real estate. It would cost far too much to do (out of pocket), though were I to win, it would be worth it. However, attorneys have told me almost categorically, I'd lose. It's complicated.
The only time I get "down in the dumps," frankly, is when she's at home and like this. Even then I've almost reached the point at which I endure her outbreaks and 15 minutes later have let them go. Now, frankly, as Clark Gable said, "I don't give a damn." Hearing the same complaints at least once a day, hell, I've got them memorized and am almost fully innured to them.
Sounds harsh, huh? Not really. Not when the complaints are so repetitive and all is my fault. I say to myself, "If you want to live your life this way, fine. Be miserable. The sun's out, many of us are in the same boat and all we can really do is make the choice: Let it all go or not; be "happy" or not.
I choose the former of those two.